Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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