It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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