I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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