so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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