I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
