my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
