butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize