ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
