He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
