im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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