i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
