saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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