Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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