I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
