at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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