i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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