I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
