Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
