just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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