apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
