remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
