Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
