I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
