How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I checked into jail on foursquare
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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