Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You left your underwear on the fireplace
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
