eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
