Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
