I just made out with a guy for $7.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
