I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
