I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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