I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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