Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
