Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
