I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
