did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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