i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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