Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
