I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
