She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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