maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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