A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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