funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
