fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
