the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
zippers are such a cool invention
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize