put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
