6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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