you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
