Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just found puke in my bra..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
