I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
