He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
