so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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