You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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