I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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