you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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