nut hugger
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
