Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
