i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
