It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
