so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
