The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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