There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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