Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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