If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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