"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
