i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
