My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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