Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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