I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Damn victory sex feels great
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
