Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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