we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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