just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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