Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
