Everything about him screamed your future.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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